What's your excuse?

It's up

One day of shooting and this is all that's up on the website...

And I still didn't get paid for it:(

It's so easy to take things for granted. It's been my goal not taking anything for granted, but it's hard. And for some reason, the biggest thing you should never take for granted is love. I tend to focus on the negative things, and put to high expectation on the people I love, which is not fair. I'm so damn sensitive that I can separate the small things from the really important thing, but I'm working on it.

Last Friday I couldn't spend the afternoon with Fishering and his family, because I had three auditions. I also found a theatrical agent, so I had an excellent day. When I finally showed up at Fishering place, he and his parents had champagne, cheese and flowers waiting for me to celebrate my success of that day. I'm so lucky to have the support and love around me, and do not take this for granted! Thank you Fishering!

Not only...

did I have three auditions on Friday, I also signed with a theatical agent! It was a good Friday!

Twist of faith

So, yesterday around 5pm, I was on the phone with my friend , and he asked me how things were going with auditioning. I told him I had one last week, and nothing this week. By the time I saw this same friend at 7pm at O-Bar (where else...), I received two calls from my agents, with two auditions for today! Just now, I received another call, so I have a third one today. First, I need to be upscale casual for a financial institution, after that a dog lover in shorts to show my legs, and last... a March Madness Fan, shorts, shirtless, and...body painted like one of those crazy March Madness fans! Yeah, I get to dress up and play all day!!!

But where to buy body paint??? Suggestions?

Don't Stop

Today, while I had my IPod on Shuffle, I discover this song by Sarah Bettens (lead singer from K'Choice, who went solo) called "Don't Stop". The song is almost sung in one sentence, and it's really beautiful. Here are the lyrics:

Don't stop trying, there's always reason to go on living
as long as you can breathe
stay clear of extremes
just say what you mean
but try not to be mean

you should say thank you often, like your hair
wave to strangers everywhere
do what your supposed to do
don't look at what the others do

think before you buy a car, don't marry someone
you met at a bar
there's no such thing as going too far
love who you are

don't be scared of what's ahead
but wear a helmet to protect your head
be aware, way you care, don't say fair...

Stay close to the hand that raised you
watch for signs
never waste expensive wine
spoil your body, spoil yourself
never cheat and share your wealth

sing when you're glad
close the door if you sound bad
don't believe a man who knows he's right
don't skip ahead, enjoy your flight

be nice to your dog,
drive slow in the fog
convince yourself to write a song
change clothes everyday
call ahead when you're late
be safe when you're planning to get laid

read what you like
be on your brother's side
it's okay to wonder why
but don't expect to understand your life

don't expect to understand your life ...

It's been a while...

I haven't blogged in a while, because, well...I just didn't feel like it. Felt a little out of it, and just needed some time off.

So, I watched my friends dogs from Thursday till Saturday. Friday was a challenge. First of all, all three of them woke me up pretty early by jumping on the bed and on me. I walked them, and then in the afternoon I had the pleasure of walking them just when rain came pouring out of the sky. Try walking in the rain with three dogs, picking up three puddles of poop! At night I was meeting Fishering for sushi at this place on Santa Monica Blvd, and of course, the entire street got flooded and I arrived at the restaurant with as cat thrown in a pool!

Saturday was fun though. Fishering and I met up with his best friend Jason and his then still girlfriend (Jason was going to propose to Megan on Sunday, but more on that later) Megan, to see a friend of ours perform in The Belly Room at the Comedy Store. Andrea was awesome! So much respect for someone who dares to do stand-up comedy!

So, Jason's proposal! I had to ask Fishering over and over again to tell me not to mention anything to Megan, because I was scared something would blur out of my big mouth! Jason flew in his mother, and Megan's parents over for the weekend, without her knowing. Jason and Megan just signed the lease for an apartment on Saturday, so Jason asked Fishering to decorate the empty place, so he could propose to her there, and then take her to the restaurant where they had there first date (with Fishering and CTo present) 3 years ago. At that restaurant the family members were waiting to celebrate the engagement. So, Fishering and I got up early, and went to the empty apartment to put up flowers, and sprinkle the floor with white rose paddles. We put tea lights all over the room, and then left just in time for Jason to show up with Megan to pop the question. And...she said yes! The rest of the Sunday, Fishering and I had a lovely day together, and in the evening we watched the BAFTA Awards on BBC America, with Rudy Wax doing the Red Carpet. I remember her from when I lived in Europe, because she's pretty big there. This British award show was so funny, and some of the awards were so original, like best new rising star. Stephen Frye did a great job keeping the show light and funny for the only two hours it lasted. Btw, Jake Gyllenhal was the surprise winner of best supporting actor!

Now, today, my dog Sierra couldn't get up. She seemed totally out of it, walked difficult, didn't wanna eat, drink, so at 1pm I took her to a vet, who had no idea what this weird condition could be, so he gave her a muscle relaxer, and some pills for the next two days. If she shows no improvement by then, I have to take her back for X-rays. Tonight she's doing better: finally she wanted to go outside, and she just ate. She's still very sleepy, but hopefully she will be fine tomorrow, and it was just a pinched nerve or something.

Okay, to leave you today, I'm attaching some pictures of how we left the place for Jason to propose! We were so proud at ourselves!

Dogs

My temp job has ended, and I'm unemployed again! Thank God! I had  great time at my temp job: great people, fun work, beautiful office, close to home, but I'm looking forward to next week, when it's just acting again. People tend to forget that I'm not just unemployed. Just because I'm not filming something, doesn't mean that my acting career keeps me busy. I had an audition last Saturday for which I got the part, class Wednesday night, for which I rehearse with my scene partner 2 to 3 times a week, had another audition yesterday, oh, yeah, my Tango class Thursday night, submitting through the breakdowns every morning, learning how to speak with an American accent, working out (for an actor, this is just part of the spiel). Anyway, it's Friday, and since last night I'm dog watching for friends of mine. I'm staying at their Condo in WeHo till Saturday afternoon, and it's nice to be away from home for a few days. They also have laundry at their place, so I'm doing a shitload of laundry! Now, last night was a bit challenging though. After a quick stop at O-Bar to say hi to Fishering, Vanguard, Rye, Chad, and Mercury, I went to Tango, then pick up my dog and go to WeHo. Now, the 3 dogs get along great, but walking 3 dogs is not so easy. Especially trying to pick up 3 puddles of poop, while holding 3 dogs. I was also texting (I'm so addicted to it) while doing all this. Multitasking!

Okay, the shower, then brunch with Gisele, back to the doggies and laundry, maybe a little work out, and then nothing!

Have a good weekend!

Learn English...

At least I'm not as bad at this guy...

(Don't mind the part in German first, english will follow)

Lucky number 13

I got a part in an independent pilot! I might have a job for 6 weeks, starting in 5 weeks, and I got paid for my current the "temp" job! I'm on cloud nine, whatever that means...

Okay, I'm also tired, so I'm going to be in bed in 2 minutes!

12 of the 12th

Last month I had 12 pictures from when I was in Amsterdam, this 12 of the 12th are of my new hometown, LA. Thanks Chad for reminding me it was the 12th!

Got to bed late Saturday night, so slept in till 10:45am. This is what my bed looked like when I got up.

My dog Sierra got attacked earlier this week by another dog, and now has a small wound on her hip. She can't stop licking it, so for a couple of days, she needs to wear a cone. And she is not happy!

Talked to my parents online with webcam

Played tennis with John. It was lower 80s, while the Northeast had tons of snow

Always lots of driving in LA

4PM, a quick stop at the library to pick up a tape

Had some money coming in so I finally could get some groceries from Trader Joes

A happy Sierra: a walk without the cone! Oh, almost forgot: a middle aged jogger found it necessary to expose himself to me. NOT cool!

6PM, getting ready for my hot date. I'll spare you the shower pic:)

Dinner and drink at El Coyote with guess who...

 

Chillin' in front of the TV together

11PM, a few pages before going to sleep.

That was my Sunday the 12th in 12 pictures!

Show some support

Check out Rye, a new blogger on the blog, as unemployed as I am. Let's see how he does. We'll just won't read him if he's not interesting, but knowing Rye, he'll have interesting stories to share!

Preview

Totally stole this from Peter, but I'm sure he doesn't mind. Brokeback Mountain inspired many to make movies with the same theme, so check out this preview.

I'll be working this entire week, so I won't be able to blog much, so you have to settle for this post...oh, and my 100 list that I thought I would never write, but just posted...

100 things about me

1.  My passport says born in "Zuidelijke Ijsselmeerpolders", which actually does not exist, but was a interim name for Lelystad of which I was one of the first born there. It used to be a sea, but they turned it into land. My parents still live there. I hate that place.

2.  I was born on the 4th of November, 1974, around 4am, at address 64, address growing up was 04-42, first room in college I lived in was 104, address now is 442

3.  I speak 4 languages: Dutch, German, Spanish and English

4.  Believe it or not, it's very difficult for me to learn a different language

5.  I've been to about 36 countries

6.  Lived in 4 countries: Netherlands, Spain, Peru, and The United States of America

7.  I know Peru and Bolivia better then I know The Netherlands

8.  Amsterdam is the best city in the world in my opinion. Los Angeles, New York, and Sydney also awesome

9.  I have a BA in Tourism and Hotel Management for which I went to college for 5 years

10.  I'm glad I'm not working in the tourism and hotel business anymore, but I do not rule out I'll someday go back to it

11. I've learned to never say never

12. I got my one tattoo in Sao Paolo, Brazil

13. I went paragliding in Rio de Janeiro, white water rafting in Peru, on safari in South Africa, partied at a bar called Copacabana in Bombay, climbed The Great Wall of China, crawled through old Silver mines in Potosi (Bolivia)...I miss the adventure

14. Most beautiful hike I've ever done was in Patagonia, Parque Torre del Peine

15. Most beautiful beach I slept on was at Park Tairona in Colombia

16. My favorite place on earth is Manu, it's part of the rain forest in Peru. If I would go to that very remote place on earth now, I know that there will still be people in very little villages who I know and who know me. That thought makes me very happy

17. I went Scuba diving many times (Isla Margarita, and Fuerteventura), but I have yet to get certified

18. I want to get my Scuba diving certification.

19. I also still want to learn to play the piano, take singing lessons, take up fencing, learn Italian and Portuguese, learn how to dance, write screenplays

20. I've learned to start with one thing at the time, so this week I started Argentine Tango lessons

21. I would love to start my own little restaurant or bed & breakfast place some day

22. Would love to have that bed & breakfast place to be on a remote beach in Brazil

23. For now I'm very happy living in Los Angeles

24. I'm an actor

25. To be a good actor, just taking classes isn't enough. I believe the talent needs to be there, you need to experience life, be open to all people, learn as many new things as you can, and be truthful in whatever you do

26. I've always felt close to minorities

27. I'm an immigrant and proud to be one

28. People born in the US do not understand how hard it is to start a life in this country

29. Because I wasn't born here, I've been treated like some second hand citizen many times

30. I'm not a citizen of the US, but a permanent resident

31. I don't understand the discrimination against immigrants, because every family in the US started out to be an immigrant

32. I believe immigrants have a stronger drive to make something of there lives, because they came with a purpose

33. I would like to say I'm not judgmental, but I do catch myself judging people sometimes. When I do, I make myself aware of it, and try to adjust it

34. I don't mind if people judge me for what I do, or who I am

35. It is my life and I decided to live it the way I want to

36. Many people and friends do not agree with some of my views on things

37. For one thing: many of my "gay" friends do not believe in bisexuality

38. Many of my "straight" friends do

39. I do not like to label in some kind of a category. I think it's limiting yourself

40. I do not consider myself straight, gay or bi

41. I'm able to be attracted to both men and women, so if you want to label that as bi, that's fine with me, but let me just be

42. I acknowledge that for most women it will be difficult to date a man who has been with a man. I don't understand why this is the case, because for woman it is accepted

43. I really do not understand the big deal with sexuality. Hundreds of years ago, I think mankind was more accepting of more then just one way of expressing your sexuality. We took a huge step back, and I think religion is one among other to be blamed for that

44. I'm not religious, but I do believe in many things

45. I believe that there things we can't explain

46. I don't have to know how everything works. Sometimes I have no problem with just accepting things the way they are

47. I believe in ghosts, spirits, and possession, even though I have never experienced any of it

48.I don't judge people who are religious and choose to live their live according to The Bible. I wish they could do the same to people who don't

49. I strongly believe church and state should be separated. That's why I'm deeply concerned with the way this country is being lead at the moment

50. I've become more political over the last 3 years, but I can't vote

51. I'm very unorganized and do not like to plan

52. I understand that this can be very difficult for people who have to live with me

53. I'm very messy and have lots of clutter in my room, and I really don't mind

54. Saturday night I saw Coldplay in Concert!

55. If I don't keep myself busy, I can be very lazy

56. I'm very hard on myself

57. I've been clinically depressed since the age of 12. When I tell people this they are always shocked, because I always appear to be very happy. I do sometimes have to fake it till I make it, and was good at not letting anyone know I've been struggling with depression for so long now.

58. I've been diagnosed with Cyclothymia, and mild form of bi polar

59. I knew I was depressed for years, but did not start to get better until I realized I was sick and really couldn't deal with it without help

60. This realization came in 2004. January 2004 was the worst month of my life

61. I'm in therapy since May 2004, and on anti depressives since August 2004

62. I believe in chemical imbalance and I think Tom Cruise is brainwashed and evil

63. I feel sorry for Katie Holmes, but it's her own life. I still think someone in her family/circle of friends, could have warned her and maybe saved her

64. My sister is mentally handicapped

65. Depression runs in my family, my mothers side

66. I love my dog, but sometimes it can be a pain in the ass having a dog in LA

67. I've learned more then I can explain from listening to almost a 1000 testimonies from Holocaust survivors in English, Dutch and German

68. I plan on writing a book about the Holocaust

69. Friendship means the world to me. I don't have any best friends from childhood

70. Didn't know what friendship was till I was 19, and had a first best friend

71. I expected too much from my first best friend, and I lost him because of this

72. So I learned not to put any expectations on people. This is harder then it sounds

73. I do put a lot of expectations on myself though

74. I have many friends now, and I feel very lucky to have them

75. Many people take friendships for granted, which you shouldn't

76. Many people take many things for granted, which they shouldn't, like having grandparents, having siblings, money, good health

77. I used to think I was the ugliest person on the face of the world

78. I am now very satisfied with how I look, and wouldn't wanna change anything about me

79. Except for getting back in shape, but that's something which is easily done

80. I smoked for about 15 years.

81. I quit smoking in September 2005

82. I'm very happy Fishering quit smoking too now

83. I like being around friends. I love being with Fishering!

84. Sometimes it's really hard to get myself to go to social events

85. I can feel very lonely, even when I'm around people I love

86. During times of hardship I feel most alive

87. I make a habit of telling friends that I love them. Some people do not know how to react to this, especially Dutch friends

88. Sometimes you don't have to tell someone you love them, because they know

89. Sometimes you don't need to hear "I love you" from someone, because you know they love you

90. Still, everyone loves to hear "I love you"

91. God gets a lot of undeserved credit. When you win an award, you got it because you've worked hard for it, and YOU are rewarded for that accomplishment. It makes me mad, when some one accepts and awards and all they say is that it was all God

92. Throughout my life I was a postman, food processor at a Airline Food Processing Plant, a Steward on a train carrying tourist from Holland to the Alps, made paper boxes for Phillips, worked at a travel agency in Cuzco Peru, worked at the front desk of an hotel in Palma de Mallorca, Florida, Pasadena and Hollywood, was a flight attendant, guided groups of tourists through Peru and Bolivia, guided a group of tourists through the Mountains of Peru on horses moving a cattle of cows from one farm to the other, and now I'm an actor

93. I'm know for saying inappropriate things. I just see it as being bluntly honest

94. My perspective on dating and friendships changed when I stopped trying to be liked by others, but just focused on if I liked them

95. If I don't like someone, I won't waste much time on time. This might come across as arrogant, but I just don't wanna waste energy, and I'm not good at bullshit small talk

96. I love mustard! When you serve cheese, you have to serve it with mustard. That's what we do in Europe, and I've been able to introduce this custom among my friends here. Try it!

97. I would like to think I'm pretty Americanized, but kept my European charms

98. I like to wear bright colors, like yellow, red, or orange, because it makes me feel good. I do think I look good in army green.

99. I don't like my hair, even though everyone seems to think I have perfect hair

100. I love my life

Happy Fucking Birthday!

Yeah, I'm still reading blogs instead of practising my "th" sounds! You see how it goes?

Well, M@, you had the best year being 30, so here's to letting your 31st be even better! Happy Birthday my friend!

Update

A quick post before I start my Saturday morning. Wednesday night I had acting class, and my scene partner and I couldn't make it through our scene. We were stopped several times, and asked to go back and start again. This was because of my scene partner having a defense mechanism that everytime she gets close to a real emotion, she laughs it off, which is a great thing in life, but not for an actor. You need to conquer your fears, and allow them to come out in front of people. The Meisner approach at Playhouse West is what helped me break away all the boundaries I had, and so my teacher made me play repetition with my partner every time we went back to start the scene again. It was great doing repetition again, because it is really a huge action tool to focus on listening, and to let yourself be affected by the smallest thing or gesture by your partner. At the end of our time on stage, the direction the teachers gave me were simple: "It would be fucking great if I could understand what the fuck you're saying!" Yeah, he swears a lot. I love this teacher, but I have great fear of him, because he gets on my case about every word I pronounce with an accent. It freezes me up, and I'm even scared having a regular conversation with him, because I think about every "th", "t", and "sh" sound I make. I went back to this class to have him yell at me to work on my accent. He's right, I'm limited with the roles I can play, because I look all American, but once I open my mouth, people either think I have a speech impediment, or that I'm from 1) Canada, 2)New York, 3)Denmark, or 4)Amsterdam. I'm frustrated as hell about this, it's my biggest insecurity, and I'm scared to death about trying to speak like an American, because of the chance of failure.

So, to make me feel better, I do about everything I can to make no time available in my schedule to sit down with a dictionary and to start reading those difficult sounds for me. I started working out again to get rid of those 15 pounds of extra "luggage" I've been carrying around for so long now, and I started something new and exciting: Argentine Tango! Thursday night was my first class and I love it! I suck at coordination, so when I'm told to go left, I go right, so this class will be good for me. I love to watch the Tango, and it will be great that in about 8 weeks, I will be able to dance a decent Tango!

Okay, I start working on my "th" sound, before my scene partner is coming over to rehearse. We'll start with repetition, and then go over into our scene ("I Never Sang for my Father"). After that to the treadmill, and tonight Peter and I are going to see COLDPLAY!!!!! I got the worst tickets, all the way up on the top ring at The Forum, but I don't care, it's COLDPLAY! Peter has never seen them live, so it's going to be awesome!

Oh, I also think I will make that 100 list with things about me, but I'll start it, and won't publish it till I'm done, which could take a long time.

Have a great weekend!

Whatta wanna know?

Some of my friends started to do this entry on their blog, posting 100 things about themself. I love reading it, and you should check it out too (Timm, Vanguard, Mercury), but I will not make a list myself. I already feel I'm behind the computer too much, working, blogging, reading, so making a list of 100 things will take up too much time. I think if you read my blog on a regular basis, you get to know who I am.

Oh, I ran into Vannesa Paradis yesterday! For Europeans: yeah, Vannessa Paradis! For American's: Johnny Depp's wife.