What's your excuse?

Leaving Today!

Yeah!!!!!!!!! A couple of hours left of cataloguing Holocaust survivor testimonies, and then I'm off!!!!!!! Leaving early evening and I can't wait! I'm so excited, that I just can't hide it, I'm about to loose control, and I think I like it! (hey, I never denied I am the biggest dork ever!)...
So, please keep on leaving all those comments to my posts (yeah, not bitter at all, I know nobody read my blog, but that's okay, it's just for me...but some readers would be nice...). I probably won't have access to a computer so, I'll be away for a little bit. But don't worry...I'll be back!
ARKANSAS, HERE I COME!

And one more thing...

Tom, I hope you are really straight, or else you would be a big disgrace to the gay community!

Oh Tom, you've really gone to far this time!

I always been a fan of Tom Cruise as an actor. I think he was great in Magnolia, and even though I knew he belonged to the Scientology Church, he never made statements like the one he apparantly made this week. Tom, keep those opions to yourself!

Now, last year I started Paxil after almost 20 years of living with depression. I was diagnosed, and with a little hestitation, I started taking Paxil. It changed my life! I can not begin to descibe how I descovered myself again, and how my life has improved! I'm now on a different anti-depressiant, because Paxil was not ideal for me. I will keep on working with my phyciatrist to find the right medication for me. My psyciatrist is a very knowledgable man, who studied to give me the right advice and help. So, Tom, leave those medical issues to doctors who know what they are talking about. You just keep on acting, smiling at the paparrazzi, and bore us some more with your romances with pretty girls!
I just saw Tom last week when he and katie visited my workplace. I stayed 20 minutes longer, because I was so excited to see him. Now, I wish I hadn't wasted my time for this "cult master" who thinks he has the "knowledge, and expertice" to give medical advice. Pfff, Tom, give me a break and SHUT THE F#CK UP!

More readers???

So, I just send out an e-mail to my friends back in The Netherlands. Hopefully the will become frequent readers and commentators on my bloq. Knowing them, they will probably think I'm the biggest dork/geek ever, but after a while they will hopefully be happy to keep track of my life here in LA!

Kaline, Anne, Bob, Irma, Janine, Hans, Sander, Lianne, Simone, Claudia, Gaby, Marianne, Maaike, Pieter, and Henkie: WELCOME TO MY BLOG!!!

Enjoy!

VACATION!!!

Yeah, it's finally here! I'm going on vacation! The last long trip I took was back home to Amsterdam, last year August. I did have a long weekend with Fishering to Mexico, which was great, but now I'm going away for a week and a half! After having traveled the world, I am now going to a place I've never been, and I'm very excited! Fishering and I are going to Kansas City and to his parents farm in Arkansas! Don't really know what to expect, but I'm getting more warnings then anything else from people who hear about my trip. I'm soooo looking forward to it! Leaving LA! Letting this fun, amazing, exciting, but stressfull city behind me for more then a week, just excites me more then you know! Fishering and I both have had a couple of stressfull months so it will do us both good. But most of all, I can't wait to be away from listening to the Holocaust stories day in day out. There is just so much you can take, before you start loosing it, and I have reached the point that I've had enough! The break will do me good!

I have great friends and neighbors who are going to take car of my dog, so I don't have to think about anything. No computer, phone off, just enjoy the Arkansas beauty, good company, good food and wine, but most importantly...quality time with Fishering...:)

Just a typical day in my life...

So, Saturday was an evenfull day! It started with a family picknick in a park in Glendale to celebrate little Ben's 2nd birthday. From Glendale I drove back to Beverly Hills, walked my dog, and rushed over to Melrose/La Brea for my second shooting day as Vincent van Gogh. The shoot did not go so well (nothing to do with my acting of course), and finally around 6:45pm I could leave.
Rushed back home, showered the make up and glue off my face, and back in the car to Glendale to make it to the 8:15pm showing of Star Wars with fishering and his dad. By driving 55 on the streets and 95 on the highway, I made it to the theatre on time, to realize it started at 8:30 instead of 8:15pm. 15 Minutes I could have used for so many things, like not speeding... So, what do you do when you're totally stressed from rushing, and need to get stuff out of your system? Right, you go out side to get some fresh air. Outside I contemplated bumming a cigarette from someone, but that would be a waste of the 6 weeks I've already done without a smoke. So...yeah...a bar! Went into the sports bar and asked for the strongest shot. A couple sitting at the bar asked if it was to celebrate or the opposite. "No, just another crazy day in this Dutch boy's life!". But it was about to crazier! My shot was brought to me, and lighted by a not so experienced barman. "How am I suppose to drink it with these flames", I asked. "Oh, just blow it out right before you take the sip", he said. And so I did. The next 5 seconds went by in slowmotion. I pick up the shot glass, bring it up, take a good blow, and there it was: alcohol with flames went all over the bar, setting the bar on fire. But I didn't care much about the bar. It was more my hand on fire that worried me! I was able to extingish the flames on my hand, while the two barman took care of the flames on the bar. A little dazed I stood there, when the guy who was sitting at the bar told the barman to put that shot on his tap. Damn, did that shot taste good when I was finally able to pour it down. Then the barman offered me a second shot on the house, so there I walked back to my seat, dazzled about what just happened, to shot strong shots in me and a back of ice in my hand. You should have seen the look on Fisherings face! But it did help. The two shots calmed me down, and I really enjoyed Star Wars by the way. Just a regular day in my life...

Americans-Europeans

Just realized something at a family (in-laws) brunch. I just that it was just Fishering and his family who eat with just the fork, not using the knife, but during brunch today, with about 14 people on a table, I was the only one using fork and knife to eat. I guess it's a European thing to eat with a fork and a knife. I always get made fun off for even eating pizza with fork and knife (well, there actually many things I get made fun off...well...I don't care...I'm Dutch!

Movie recommendation

"Suspect Zero "- with Ben Kinsgley, Aaaron Eckhart, and Carrie-Ann Moss
"Vera Drake "-amazing acting performance by Imelda Stanton

Greek night!

Proof of a wonderful night with friends, lots of delicious home made Greek food, awesome new friends Gisele, Matt and Chris: you are the best!), and of course way, way, way too much alcohol...

Kylie

By now the whole world knows about Kylie's struggle with breast cancer. I'm relieved to know they found it in an early stage, and hope she will completely recover soon.
Being European, I've been able to follow her career from the beginning. My parents always used to watch Neighbors after dinner, so Kylie became a household name early. Remember the movie "The Delinquents"? My favorite song and music video of Kylie used to "Confide in Me"Gotta love her hair! , untill "Fever" came out, and I got introduced to the new Kylie like the rest of the world. My God, she doesn't seem to age at all!
Anyway, I wish her all the strenght and success in the world getting through this difficult time in her life. It might even be more difficult then her "relationship" with Jason Donovan, who just used her to confince the world and himself that he might like boys more then girls... (am I out of line now?)

Exclusive Production Photos!

You saw it here first: production photo of the film I'm working on in which I'm playing Vincent van Gogh!

Forever proof of my first hospital visit

one more thing before I go to sleep

Just got out of class. My first scene study class in a year and a half. First thing teacher said: "gotta do something about the accent".

I freaking know! But I don't know how! It's so frustrating! I need to be able to sound like an American to be able to be cast more, but for some reason, I have the hardest time getting it. I just can't find a way to study an american accent that makes it fun for me. I don't have the disipline to sit down an hour every day and work on my fucking "th" sounds! It can sometimes be so frustrating being actor in LA: money for classes,  money for headshots, money for accent reduction coach...and not making any money acting!

I need to make the time to work on being able to turn that freaking American accent on whenever I have to! Time and money...:( Oeh, let me check if i won the lottery tonight!

Song in my head...

I have this song in my head all day, and it's only available on the British ITunes. Can anyone help me get it? It has one of the most beautiful opening lines:

"You light up another cigarette, And I poor the wine"

"Promise Me" by Beverley Craven.

Help!

Okay, time to go to bed

Want a good cry?

See Vera Drake! Saw it this afternoon, and could stop crying. Imelda Stanton is soooo good!

My top crying movies:

1- In America (must be the immigrant thing)

2- Vera Drake

3- Finding Neverland

4- The Champ (old one with Ricky Schroder)

...

Okay, the ending of Backdraft always gets me when Kurt dies in the ambulance with his brother Billy Baldwin by his side...don't tell anyone!

Amazing Race comes to an end

And good thing really come to good people!

Final colon update

All results are fine!
Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Music

I've seen people post their IPod most played songs on their bloq, and think music says a lot about people so here we go:
1) Sunrise-Duran Duran
2) Supreme- Robbie Williams
3) Amazing-Aerosmith
4) Beautiful Life- Ace to Base
5) Believe- Frank Potente (from "Run Lola Run)
6) Not Gonna Get Us- T.a.t.u.
7) Summer Sun- Texas
8) Caught Up- Usher
9) Crazy in Love- Eminem
10) Even so- Rachael Yamagata
11) Sunday Morning- Maroon 5
12) Hallelujah- Rufus Wainwright
13) I'll find a Way- Rachael Yamagata
14) Feel- Robbie Williams
15) Rock DJ- Robbie Williams
16) Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk- Rufus Wainwright
17) All the Things she Said- T.a.t.u.
18) The Blower's Daughter- Damien Rice
19) Love Somebody- Robbie Williams
20) Me and My Monkey- Robbie Williams
21) Angeles- Robbie Williams
22) I will love you- unknown
23) Yeah!- Usher
24) Shut Up!- Black Eyed Peas
25) Waarom- Marco Borsato (Dutch)

Real update...

So, it's Tuesday now, four days after my colonoscopy. Let me give a quick update, because let's face it, after 40, we all have to go through it once a year.
So about 2 hours after my first doses of that stuff, I started feeling "things" come down. I won't go into details (hit me a note if you want details, I'll be more then happy to give them to you), but by the time I was lying on a hospital bed at Cedar Sinai Friday morning, I had made 20 trips to the toilet (and NOT to pee). Fishering is my big hero for sticking with me, and taking me to the hospital! Many thanks!
Everyone at the hospital was very nice, and made the experience not as unpleasant as i thought it would be. Once in the OR, I was giving some fun sedative stuff, and everything after that is kind of vague. I remember watching the inside of my colon on the little screen, but that's all I remember. After the procedure, I wanted to remind them that they were also suppose to stick a tube through my throat, and then they informed me that that's what they started with. I was very confussed.
The rest of the weekend I slept. Honestly, I slept the entire weekend, with the excemption of a few hours I tried to be social with friends which was a big mistake. Thank god they are very good friends and they all knew why I was a little out of it.
So that was it. I'm glad it's over! Everything looked normal, but they did take a biopsy from my stomach and colon, but I believe I have little to worry about.
Thanks to all of you who supported me through this experience!

Update

30 minutes after my first dose, and nothings happening. Although I do feel my stomach making some weird noices. I'm just waiting for shit to happen (ha, you get it...no?...not funny?)...

I'm really nervous...

I've never had to be in the hospital for something other then visiting, so I'm a little nervous about going into Cedar Sinai tomorrow for a procedure. Ah, what the heck, no one reads this anyway...I'm having a colonoscopy tomorrow. Since I was little, I have these stomach pain that sometimes really bother me, and before my doctor can finally diagnose IBS, he has to rule everyhing else out, and therefore the colonoscopy. Which means I can't eat solid foods today, only clear fluids, broth and Jell-O, and in about 30 minutes I'm taking the first dose of this stuff that's gonna clean my insides. So, for the rest of the evening, I'll be on the toilet shitting my brains out!

The whole procedure doesn't scare me, but the fact that I will be taken out completely does. What if they make a mistake, and I won't wake up? What if they really find something? I think I'm just scared. And yes, I do feel sorry for myself, but I think I have the right to feel so today. I wanna say thanks to my friends who are thinking of me, and offered help in any way. I love you all. What the heck, I love all my friends, my family, and I love my life! Yeah, I'm really scared. 25 More minutes before taking that stuff...I should have had sex before all this!

Psychological effect to listening to Holocaust stories

For those reading this post who don't know what I do for a living: I listen to Holocaust stories. I index and catalogue video tapes of interviews with survivors of the Holocaust, ranging from 1 hour to 6 hours per interview. I've been doing this for almost a year and a half now, which comes to a total of over 700 hours of listening to the testimonies. And some people can't even sit through 3 hours of Schindler's List or The Pianist...Try my job.

I have had with this job! I can't hear any more stories about the Holocaust! Yes, I know my job ends September 30th (date they think the Dutch testimonies will be done), that my work is very valuable for the foundation and to help creating more tolerance in the world, that I have a perfect flexible work schedule (espically for an actor), that it makes good money, and that I like my co-workers, but...I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

My friends mean well, and tell me about the positive stuff the minute I tell them how I feel about my job. That is great, but I just need to vent sometimes, but due to the explicit stuff I'm dealing with, I don't wanna bother them. So, I will continue listening to the Holocaust stories, count my blessing of all the good stuff that comes with this job (I really do), and hope that September 30th comes soon. I'm part of a unique foundation, and I'm making sure that information about what really happened, coming from real survivors, will be accessable for many generations. I'm really proud of what I do, but it's just hard, really hard...

Inspiration

Yesterday, Sunday May 1st, i went to see my friend John as the lead in "Heaven can Wait" at the Colsac theatre. This is the same theatre where I had my LA theatre debut in "The Sting" last November (with my friend John). Before and after yesterdays show I was reunited with some of my old cast mates, and the director. It was very nice to be around theatre people again! But most of all, I had great time watching the play! It was very entertaining, well acted, well directed, and very inspiring. Especially because my good friend John had the lead. I'm very proud of him, and so happy to be around working actors, even if it's not paid. I have friends around me who act just to act, and that'w why I'm an actor...